Aur Revoir Pee-Wee, Aur Revior

I watched the French movie Le Million last month. It was about people trying to recover a lost lottery ticket. There was lots of singing, but somehow it wasn't really a musical. At least not in the Hollywood musical sense. It was more of a screwball comedy with songs and dancing seamlessly mixed in. Which was good, because I don't really like musicals, but I liked this movie. I've never really seen another movie like this, and I find that surprising, since it was made in 1931. The closest thing I can think of is probably Moulan Rouge (since there are about seventeen movies with that title I should be more specific: I'm talking about the one with Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor).

So when I saw that another movie by director Rene Clair was going to be on TCM, I tuned in. It was called A nous la liberte. This movie wasn't nearly as good as Le Million, but five days later I still have the theme song stuck in my head. Which is impressive because I don't know French.

The holey parts of the body

If a television show is geared towards old people there will be commercials for laxatives, fiber capsules, and adult diapers.

If a show is for women there will be at least one tampon advertisement during every commercial break. Don't believe me? Turn on Lifetime and watch for twenty minutes. You will see at least two tampon commercials in that time span. Plus, since women have babies they will show ads for many baby products, especially diapers.

If a show is for men then most of the commercials will relate back to "that certain part of the male body". Watch a football game and you will see commercials for products that help you pee (flomax), products that help you get it up (viagara, cialis, levitra), and products that help you compensate for your shortcomings (pickup trucks).

After millions of years of evolution, life is still all about about peeing, pooping, and sex.

Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence ...

Repetition is an important part of effective communication. Especially when you are talking to children.

You have to repeat your message over and over and over and over.

And when that doesn't work, there's always shouting.

Are we there yet?

According to the blog settings, seven posts should appear on each page. As this is the eighth post, this blog should now wrap around to two pages. I don't know why, but this makes me feel good.

Thirteen things I have learned about France by watching French movies

1. Drinking is not just an evening activity.
2. It's perfectly fine to drive your "auto" anywhere that it fits.
3. All policemen are corrupt, inept, or both.
4. It is commonly known that all of the clergymen are lecherous hypocrites. Despite this, everyone attends church regularly.
5. The women are hot, have no morals, and aren't shy at all about their bodies.
6. All married people are cheating on their spouses.
7. Being a socialist is a developmental phase, similar to puberty.
8. Unsupervised packs of schoolboys roam the cities terrorizing grownups, half of whom should see it coming.
9. It only takes 2 seconds to fall in love.
10. There's always a street vendor around when you need one.
11. No one has a dryer. All clothes must be hung up on the line to dry.
12. Very few people actually work. Those who do are bitter about it.
13. Smoking is not just for the cool people, it's for everyone.

Nothing of importance happened today

What can I say? It was an uneventful Sunday. About the most exciting thing that has happened to me so far is that I got to take a really good nap this afternoon after lunch when everybody else was out and I had the house to myself.

There I was on the watching some old movie. It was okay, but it was a little slow. I was a little tired so I stretched out on the couch to watch on my side. The pillow felt good under my head, and I could still see the tv. Nine times out of ten when I do this the phone rings. Or a child screams. Or the children decide that divebombing dad would be fun. But today the children were all gone. And the phone didn't ring. And I closed my eyes. And it felt good.

Then suddenly it was fifteen minutes later, there was drool on the cushion, and my eyes were a little crusty. My back was a little stiff, so I got up and stretched.

Then it hit me. For the first time in weeks, I wasn't tired at all. It felt great.

Is this what life is like for people without kids? Feeling great and not being tired?

Naah.

You only know how good something is when you don't get to have it.

(Right? At least I can pretend.)

Hats off to Professor Stink

Out of curiosity I searched Google for "flying chicken bicycle farts. The results are here.

There are many interesting websites here to explore, but Professor Stink's Fart Fan is my favorite. The product itself isn't that exiting. After all, it's just a cheap fan. But the name is absolutely top notch. A lesser mortal would have just called it the Fart Fan and been done with it. But not our good professor. This is the sort of excellence we should all strive for.

For all of the blogging moms out there

The second post I wrote for this blog was all about my 4 1/2 son and his busted face. About 2 seconds later a Google ad appeared for a site that caters to moms that blog. I have no idea how Google ads work, but presumably the words I used in my previous post triggered some keywords that match up with the blogging moms site. Fair enough, and it seems to have worked pretty well.

So what would happen if I use some other choice words in a posting? How would that affect the ads? Hmmm.

I don't know the answer to that, but maybe we can ask the great flying chicken bicycle fart for help.

And if ads start showing up for flying chicken bicycle farts, we won't be any smarter, but we may be amused for a few seconds. And I'm all for that.

How to do everything better

You know how these sorts of posts go:

First, they tell you that they've listened to all of the experts, read all of the books, thumbed through all of the magazines, and read every other blog posting on the matter.

Then they tell you a story that undermines the all of the "experts" and helps to convince you that they are even more of an expert than all of the rest.

Finally, after teasing you for about a page and a half they get to the big point that they're trying to make. Usually they will do it in a big dramatic fashion with text that is an some different bold font to make it stand out. But here's the kicker:

You already know the point because it's probably common sense anyway.

Some of the big points that I've seen:

1. You will lose weight if you eat less and exercise more.
2. Businesses do dumb things and if they stopped doing dumb things they would make more money.
3. If you stop procrastinating and work hard you too can be a millionaire.

Really? Thanks. I did not know that.

Busted Face

My 4 1/2 year old son comes in from playing outside. The skin covering his right cheekbone is angry red and it looks like it should hurt a lot. I've certainly witnessed children screaming bloody murder for a lot less. But this time he's smiling.

"What happened to your face," I ask.

The resulting blank look informs me that he has no idea what I'm talking about. I walk over to him and point at the scrape. "Right here, on your face. What happened? Did you fall?"

"No," he says.

"Does it hurt?"

"No."

"Did some one hit you?"

"No."

"Did you bonk your head?"

"No."

"Do you know what happened?"

"No."

And that was the end of that.

At least until his mother gets home.

Then I get to play the part of the 4 1/2 year old.

Do it again, but this time with feeling

I've decided that I need to improve my writing skills. They say that the best way to become a better writer is to write. So that's what I've decided to do.

Enjoy.